It sounds corny to say that the most important relationship is with yourself - but its probably true because if you like yourself well enough, find things to do that interest you and see other people as basically all right, you are probably going to do well at being single or being in a relationship.

Being in an intimate relationship doesn’t replace having to treat yourself kindly, follow through on your plans, or find aspects of the world that interest you. It can be a great source of pleasure and comfort. However, people sometimes trip up in relationships because they simply forget to say out loud what interests, pleases and upsets them, leaving their partner to try to read their mind. Part of the pleasure of relationships can be in practicing naming what is true for you out loud, and listening very carefully to someone else.

If being in a relationship does not make you feel more vital and able to connect with others, stop and ask yourself what you can do differently. Sometimes this is about spending some time quietly thinking about what you do in this relationship, and how you are treated. Is there something that needs to change? How would you go about this? Sometimes this is about a conversation with your partner to clarify aspects of the relationship that are important. When is a good time to do this? How could you go about it that held most promise of a thoughtful outcome?

Sometimes this is about talking about the situation with a friend or counsellor. Sometimes it is about seeking specific advice about sexuality or sexual health information from SHine SA or the Health and Counselling Service.

It is not at all unusual to come across stumbling blocks to beginning, maintaining or ending a relationship. Sometimes simply taking time to consider can make all the difference.